glowing in the dark

Lackadaisical

So I finally found the time to go on Tumblr after such a long week. There isn’t really much to say since every week is pretty much the same. Homework, school activities and tuition have taken a huge toll on me and I’ve been feeling pretty down since the past month.

On a lighter note, I’m slowly adapting into my hectic lifestyle. I try not to procrastinate as much as I can and to spend more time reading history or bio notes in my free time. Moreover, I’m also planning to read more books in order to reinstate my creative juices as well as improve my English. If I’m going to be serious about taking Lit for SPM, I’ve gotta work hard.

Despite all the crap I’ve been through in the past few weeks, God’s grace and mercy has been exceptionally prominent in my life. I’ve experienced Him working on me in times of pain, rejection and fatigue. I remember losing this connection with God a couple of weeks ago after screwing up a lot of things. My time management wasn’t up to par and it was really hard to get used to a lot of things. There were moments I’ve felt hurt by others in school, but all I could do was rush to the washroom to cry silently. The last thing I needed was to be judged for not sucking it up, taking it like a strong woman and just get over it.

It was last Saturday when I finally burst into tears solitary in my room. Alone with nowhere to go and no one to turn to, I seeked God. I apologized for all the things I’d done wrong and I forgave those who had hurt me in order to be set free from all the hatred, hurt and pain. At that point, my connection with God was instantly reformed. It was really amazing to feel His presence back in my life. God had spoken. He reassured me that even if the entire world were to reject me for who I am, He would still accept me. God’s love is amazing! I’m not even exaggerating! I don’t even say this because I’m obligated as a Christian to share my faith, I say this because God is so real to me and is super amazing! I don’t feel contented hiding His glory, I just had to share it!

Anyhow, I’ve had enough of keeping it inside and allowing the hurt to build up into a wall that dissociates me from my loved ones. I still have a lot to learn in life and I’m learning to embrace it as it comes. I know things don’t change overnight, but whatever it is, I’m ready to take it one at a time. It’s all about mindset, really. And right now I choose to see the brighter side of life.

Which is why I’m not even upset about not going out today. I’m actually happy staying at home sleeping, rereading some old novels, uploading photos, watching TV and catching up with some friends online. It’s rather lackadaisical and boring, but at least I’m happy.

Oh and yesterday was my first time attending a cell group. It was a really great experience, being able to share my thoughts and at the same time worship and glorify God with other youths in the faith. It’s kinda like a support group where you actually have time to bond with people you come across in church but never had the chance to get to know better. I can’t really explain cell in nutshell, but I can only say one thing - I can now express myself by engaging in diplomatic discussions and genuine conversations. SO YAYYYYYY.

I guess I’ll have to stop here. Have a great day ahead guys, whichever part of the world you come from ;)